What a numpty

numpty; noun; nump – tee; a person who has done a foolish or silly thing, a moron, an idiot

So I was leaving the house, ready to get in the car with my case of poker chips in hand. I was driving because we were playing poker after work and there’s no sense cycling an hour and a half home at midnight.

Door closes, ‘click!’.

And I realize I don’t even have my keys.

Can’t get in the car, can’t get back in the house, both housemates out of town and nothing is open. I even crawled over the back wall to check if I’d accidentally left the back door open, but no joy.

So I had to call Andy, who I used to rideshare with, and luckily he hadn’t left home yet so he came and picked me up. I eventually sorted out a key from a guy who used to live at the house, and he came by at around 7 to let me in the house.

At least I was able to use the wireless network from the front room to check email and whatnot on my phone, I didn’t even have a book to read or anything!

So now I’m back in after a notably long day.

Some people are just too paranoid to live

You know those people that have to wipe everything clean, lest they become infested with germs and bacteria? The kind of people that have to anti-bacterialize every freakin’ thing they touch, smell, see and own? Well now they have a new weapon to stave off those horrible, horrible beasts that you can’t even see with the naked eye: TT Packs!

Yes, TT Packs (or, Travel Toiletry Packs) contain everything you need to combat germs and filth at those awful rest stops, gas station toilets and public lavatories that you must come in contact with. With not just a toilet seat cover but also a wipe just for the toilet seat, another wipe for your hand, a glove for your hand, a patch of toilet paper and even a paper towel for drying your hand after wiping with the hand wipe…you can be sure your body will be free of all the horrible filth you might otherwise come in contact with.

Oh, except for the billions of bacteria in your digestive system, the viruses and germs your white blood cells are killing inside your body every second of the day, and don’t forget the slimy grunge that your kids have smeared all over your car when you get back in.

Please…seriously, people. Get a damn clue. Public toilet seats are cleaner than most people’s kitchen counter tops. Shaking hands with someone or buckling your kid in at the gas station will just put all those nasty germs right back on you. I shouldn’t even put the link to the stupid website in this post, but I had to, just in case anyone thought this was some lame joke. Yes, paranoid Middle Americans are buying this shit. Can you believe it?

You could do better by carrying your own roll of toilet paper into the restroom and having some anti-bac gel in the car. Or bring a small pump spray bottle of vinegar water and lemon juice to kill whatever’s on the seat and on your butt, even though that won’t matter once you’ve touched the door to get out, because most people don’t wash their damn hands anyway.

(of course people with immune system problems need to worry about getting germs and whatnot on themselves, I’m not talking about them – I’m talking about otherwise healthy people who are just freaked out far too much about touching everyday objects that are no threat to them)