Too little, too late, Metallica

So Metallica, the band that did the big push to drive the original incarnation of Napster offline, is now thinking of following Radiohead’s lead and offering some sort of digital distribution of their future albums.

Uh, no. Sorry, Lars, but not only have you and the boys been surpassed musically (and I didn’t bother buying the last album, St. Anger), you certainly didn’t earn any favors with fans back in the wild days of the Web, with the dramatic show of reams of paper with Napster account holder’s details in front of the cameras.

I’m a big fan of Radiohead, so I paid normal retail price (instead of paying nothing) and eagerly downloaded their online-only album last year (In Rainbows – you can get it on CD now, too), and even though I’m not a big Nine Inch Nails fan I downloaded the Ghosts tracks, paying good money for that as well. You see, when it’s music I anticipate and appreciate, I’ll happily fork the money over. Just like I did for the first several Metallica albums.

Methinks Metallica will have to work pretty hard to either earn new fans or somehow bring back the fans they lost after the Black Album, and work even harder to bring back the fans who gave them a try with St. Anger.

Some people are just too paranoid to live

You know those people that have to wipe everything clean, lest they become infested with germs and bacteria? The kind of people that have to anti-bacterialize every freakin’ thing they touch, smell, see and own? Well now they have a new weapon to stave off those horrible, horrible beasts that you can’t even see with the naked eye: TT Packs!

Yes, TT Packs (or, Travel Toiletry Packs) contain everything you need to combat germs and filth at those awful rest stops, gas station toilets and public lavatories that you must come in contact with. With not just a toilet seat cover but also a wipe just for the toilet seat, another wipe for your hand, a glove for your hand, a patch of toilet paper and even a paper towel for drying your hand after wiping with the hand wipe…you can be sure your body will be free of all the horrible filth you might otherwise come in contact with.

Oh, except for the billions of bacteria in your digestive system, the viruses and germs your white blood cells are killing inside your body every second of the day, and don’t forget the slimy grunge that your kids have smeared all over your car when you get back in.

Please…seriously, people. Get a damn clue. Public toilet seats are cleaner than most people’s kitchen counter tops. Shaking hands with someone or buckling your kid in at the gas station will just put all those nasty germs right back on you. I shouldn’t even put the link to the stupid website in this post, but I had to, just in case anyone thought this was some lame joke. Yes, paranoid Middle Americans are buying this shit. Can you believe it?

You could do better by carrying your own roll of toilet paper into the restroom and having some anti-bac gel in the car. Or bring a small pump spray bottle of vinegar water and lemon juice to kill whatever’s on the seat and on your butt, even though that won’t matter once you’ve touched the door to get out, because most people don’t wash their damn hands anyway.

(of course people with immune system problems need to worry about getting germs and whatnot on themselves, I’m not talking about them – I’m talking about otherwise healthy people who are just freaked out far too much about touching everyday objects that are no threat to them)